Thank you all so much for the wonderful birthday wishes for Kayla. Can’t believe my baby girl is 17. It seems like just yesterday I was lying in the hospital bed, holding her in my arms for the first time. She is growing up too fast, but she is growing up into such a sweet girl, with a head on her shoulders. I’m sure everyone is enjoying their long weekend – sleeping in! I went to D’s this weekend, but came back last night, so I could spend today cleaning and catching up on laundry. We started cleaning out the basement last week, so we’ll work on that for a couple of hours again today. We’ve been throwing out all kinds of crap.
It’s odd, because you all know how much I love to decorate! It’s been pretty evident in the past several years I haven’t given much thought to decorating. I mean, i live in this house, but it’s a holding cell. That place in between where I was and where I want to be. I live here, because it’s a roof over my head – not because i want to.
God has been gracious in providing this for us and has blessed us beyond anything I can ever express, but my heart is not in this place. It’s big, it’s old, it has memories of a past life…and although it’s where we (as a family) have found our place again, it’s quite a burden. Please pray for us. More and More each passing week, this place depresses me and I really want out. I’m taking the walk in faith, believing God has a better place for us that we can afford, and so I’m cleaning out the basement and getting rid of stuff, which will make it easier for us to move out. I’ll be ready to go in a week, when the time comes. :)
Enough of the depressing stuff.
I hope all of you are doing well! Brenda and Diane, i hope you are enjoying your new apartment and are starting to settle in. I am sure the commute to work is a heck of alot of easier and you are saving time as well.
Mom and Dad, I love and miss you and I think of you OFTEN! I am looking forward to seeing you all again soon…we miss you so much.
Many people do not understand how difficult it is to raise two teenaged children when you are by yourself. I am endlessly driving them places, to friends houses, to events and school functions. Driving them to a date, picking them up…cleaning so their friends can come and visit. Taking them shopping, getting groceries, going to the dentist…stopping at the drug store and yet still manage to have somewhat of a social life of my own. I honestly do not know how I do it. I am tired. I am exhausted. My mind, my body and my spirit are drained. I dream about someone taking care of me for once. It is difficult for people to understand me, unless they have walked a mile (or a day) in my shoes. I have lost faith in society. I have lost faith in the goodness of people. I have lost faith that people stand with integrity and that the things they tell me are the truth. I’m jaded…I’m faded and at times I feel hopeless.
The kids are growing up – and in a few years, there’s no doubt they’ll be off on their own – starting their own lives. I wonder if at any time, they will ever realize the sacrifices I have made to ensure they grew up happy and healthy, strong and independent. I wonder. Arghh…don’t mean to be depressing, but this is what happens to me when I have ‘time off’ and time to reflect. The good thing about being busy all the time is that I don’t have time to think too much about how unhappy I truly am. There are some days I curse Steve and all that he has done to me.
Okay, here are some pictures of my Baby Girl, who is now 17!! Isn't she gorgeous?? AND so grown up! She is beaming from ear to ear because her boyfriend Jeremy is sitting to her left…Jeremy is so nice, and has been one good friend to Kayla. She thinks the world of him.
You can click each picture to see it larger…and then just use your back button browser to get back. Enjoy!!
xo
